Happy Birthday, Wanda June (1970)
Things die. All things die.

From the introduction "About This Play"

You know what gets me? ... How everybody says 'fuck' and 'shit' all the time. I used to be scared shitless [before] I'd say 'fuck' or 'shit' in public, by accident. Now everybody says 'fuck' and 'shit', 'fuck' and 'shit' all the time. Something very big must have happened while we were out of the country.

Spoken by the character "Col. Looseleaf Harper"

Hello, I am Wanda June. Today was going to be my birthday, but I was hit by an ice-cream truck before I could have my party. I am dead now. I am in Heaven. That is why my parents did not pick up my cake at the bakery. I am not mad at the ice-cream truck driver, even though he was drunk when he hit me. It didn't hurt much. It wasn't even as bad as the sting of a bumblebee. I am really ''happy'' here! It's so much fun. I'm glad the driver was drunk. If he hadn't been, I might not have gone to Heaven for years and years and years. I would have had to go to high school first, and then beauty college. I would have had to get married and have babies and everything. Now I can just play and play and play. Any time I want any pink cotton candy I can have some. Everybody up here is happy - the animals and the dead soldiers and people who went to the electric chair and everything. They're all glad for whatever sent them here. Nobody is mad. We're all too busy playing shuffleboard. So if you think of killing somebody, don't worry about it. Just go ahead and do it. Whoever you do it to should kiss you for doing it. The soldiers up here just love the shrapnel and the tanks and the bayonets and the dum dums that let them play shuffleboard all the time - and drink beer.

Spoken by the character "Wanda June"

Don't lecture me on race relations. I don't have a molecule of prejudice. I've been in battle with every kind of man there is. I've been in bed with every kind of woman there is - from a Laplander to a Tierra del Fuegian. If I'd even been to the South Pole, there'd be a hell of a lot of penguins who looked like me.

Spoken by the character "Harold Ryan"

No grown woman is a fan of premature ejaculation.

Spoken by the character "Mildred"

When I was a naive young recruit in Spain, I used to wonder why soldiers bayoneted oil paintings, shit the hoses off statues and defecated into grand pianos. I now understand: it was to teach civilians the deepest sort of respect for men in uniform -- uncontrollable fear.

Spoken by the character "Harold Ryan"

Wars would be a lot better, I think, if guys would say to themselves sometimes 'Jesus - I'm not going to do that to the enemy. That's ''too'' much.'

Spoken by the character "Col. Looseleaf Harper"

Between Time and Timbuktu (1972)
This script, it seems to me, is the work of professionals who yearned to be as charming as inspired amateurs can sometimes be.

From the "Preface"

I don't like film. Film is too clankingly real, too permanent, too industrial for me. ... The worst thing about film, from my point of view, is that it cripples illusions which I have encouraged people to create in their heads. Film doesn't create illusions. It makes them impossible. It's a bullying form of reality, like the model rooms in the furniture department of Bloomingdales.

From the "Preface"

I have become an enthusiast for the printed word again. I have to be that, I now understand, because I want to be a character in all of my works. I can do that in print. In a movie, somehow, the author always vanishes. Everything of mine which has been filmed so far has been one character short, and that character is me.

From the "Preface"