927) To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.

Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
"Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar" in
Following the Equator (1897) [CQ]
posted by jr3000 [UAQ] (5/20/95)

928) [T]he departmental interpreters of the laws in Washington ... can always be depended on to take any reasonably good law and interpret the common sense out of it.

Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
Unmailed letter to H. C. Christiancy (12/18/1887) [TQ]
posted by jr3000 [UAQ] (5/20/95)

929) The law in its majestic equality forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Anatole France (Jacques Anatole Francois Thibault)
Le Lys rouge (The Red Lily) (1894) [ODQ/B16]
posted by jr3000@aol.com [UAQ] (5/20/95)

930) I know no method to secure the repeal of bad or obnoxious laws so effective as their stringent execution.

Ulysses S. Grant
Inaugural Address (3/4/1869)
[ODQ]
posted by jr3000 [UAQ] (5/20/95)

931) The law is a bum profession. It is utterly devoid of idealism and almost poverty stricken as to any real ideas.

Clarence Darrow (attributed)
posted by jr3000 [UAQ] (5/20/95)

932) There was once a professor of law who said to his students. When you are fighting a case, if you have facts on your side hammer them into the jury, and if you have the law on your side hammer it into the judge. But if you have neither the facts nor the law, asked one of his listeners? Then hammer the hell into the table, answered the professor.

W. Somerset Maugham (attributed)
posted by jr3000 [UAQ] (5/20/95)

[Note the following e-mail from Fred Shapiro (5/25/95), editor of The Oxford Dictionary of American Legal Quotations:

This is an old joke rather than a quote likely to have an identifiable originator. In the Oxford Dictionary of American Legal Quotations, I have the following:

The young lawyer asked, "But what do you do when both the law and the evidence are against you?" "In that case," replied the old lawyer, "give somebody hell. That'll distract the judge and the jury from the weakness of your case."*

A Treasury of American Anecdotes 10 (B. A. Botkin ed. 1957)

* The same joke, with the punchline "pound on the table and yell like hell," appears in Carl Sandburg's poem, The People, Yes, 1936, in Complete Poems of Carl Sandburg 439, 551 (1970)

The only reason I didn't give the Sandburg quote was I would have had to pay money for permission fees.]

Sources

[B16] - Bartlett's Familiar Quotations, 16th edition (1993)
[CQ] - Columbia Dictionary of Quotations (1993)
[ODQ] - Oxford Dictionary of Quotations, 4th edition (1992)
[TQ] - Twainquotes.com
[UAQ] - Usenet alt.quotations newsgroup


Note: "3089/898" is the designation I've given to the project of posting all my collected quotes, excerpts and ideas (3089 of them) in the remaining days of the Bush administration (of which there were 898 left when I began).

As of today, there are 634 days remaining in the administration of the worst American President ever.

926) HOW TO BE A GOOD WIFE

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before to have a delicious meal on table. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take fifteen minutes to rest so that you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking He has been with a lot of work weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip around the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too.

Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part

Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.

Some don'ts. Don't greet him with problems and complaints. Don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest that he lie down in the bedroom.

Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice.

Allow him to relax and unwind. Listen to him. You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

Make the evening his. Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other pleasant entertainment. Instead try understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to unwind and relax.

The goal. Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax in body and spirit.

Supposedly excerpted from a 1950s high school
home-economics textbook.
posted by Chris Cane [UAQ] (5/21/95)

[Note: The Urban Legends Reference Pages at snopes.com says that it is "undetermined" if this is an actual excerpt from a 1950s textbook.]

Sources

[UAQ] - Usenet alt.quotations newsgroup
[UL] - Snopes: Urban Legends Reference Pages


Note: "3089/898" is the designation I've given to the project of posting all my collected quotes, excerpts and ideas (3089 of them) in the remaining days of the Bush administration (of which there were 898 left when I began).

As of today, there are 635 days remaining in the administration of the worst American President ever.